Dating During the Holidays

If you've just started dating someone, the holidays can be a little awkward.  Should you introduce your new girl or guy to your family?  Does that person get an automatic invite to holiday dinners?  Should you buy some type of present?  These are all difficult questions for a new relationship during any holiday season.

My advice is to get something small, but don't go too overboard.  You don't want to seem needy, yet you don't want to seem insensitive.  Even though Easter is around the corner and not Christmas, it can still be weird.  Some people make a big fuss over Easter, too.

For guys, a cute basket full of candy is probably a good gift.  Just make sure to get something masculine, like a blue basket, a basket shaped like a football, a camouflage basket, etc.  For women, flowers or an Easter basket is usually plenty enough.  If she likes stuffed animals, just a big, cute bunny is a sweet idea.

The key is not over doing it and looking desperate.  The holidays are certainly an awkward time in dating if you let it be that way, but it is not that hard to get by with a little planning.

The Truth About Match

I have given up on using Match.com.  I am currently dating someone and do not wish to meet anyone else at this time, but also, I am pretty feed up with Match.  After paying for their service, I never found it to be better than the free sites.  Actually, I believe OKCupid and Plenty of Fish are just as good, if not better than Match.

After my subscription ended, I realized Match still kept my account active.  Even though I no longer wanted to be on the site and had cancelled my subscription, it still looked as if I was using the site and as if I was looking for dates.  This explains why there are so many "dead profiles" on Match.  No wonder so many emails go unnoticed on Match.  Even after you cancel, users can still find your profile and assume you are active.

What you have to do to really take down your account on Match is go back into the site after your subscription is over and cancel your account.  My information is still saved, but I am no longer searchable.  I am now skeptical about many of the tactics used on the site.  I would recommend to anyone starting to use online dating sites to try all the free sites first.  Sure, they probably use some shady tactics as well, but at least they are free to use, and when you deactivate your account, it is truly deactivated.

3 Guys Named Chris In 3 Weeks

I can honestly say I'd never dated a single guy named Chris before 2013.  I have experienced some not so great encounters with guys named Chris in the past, so perhaps that is why I never wanted to date a man named Chris.  However, I decided that was silly this year. 

I was approached by 3 different guys named Chris since the beginning of January.  Since they all seemed like good guys, I thought, "This must mean something!  I am supposed to be a with a man named Chris!"  Turns out, no, it did not mean that at all.

I went out with a Chris a week.  So basically, I dated 3 guys named Chris in 3 weeks.  It turns out, it really did not work out with either of them.  One of them was an Elvis impersonator (no, I am not kidding) and just not my type.  I decided one of the other guys could very well be totally nuts and out to kill me.  The other Chris was pretty cool, but abruptly stopped talking to me.  Sigh... scared another man away!

Oh well.  For now, I am going to have a strict anti-Chris rule.  I need to date other guys NOT named Chris.  My experiences were not so great, but hey, not that many people can say they dated 3 dudes named Chris in 3 weeks, so I guess it was worth it.

Back to POF

So the day finally came...  just like everyone in my life knew it would happen... I am back on Plenty of Fish.  After a couple of months of frustration with Match, I went back to POF, which is easier to use with plenty more options.

Within 2 hours, I already had more emails sent to me by different men than I had the entire 2 months of using Match.  Now I am not going to say they are all the best quality, but neither were all the messages on Match either.  It is nice to be able to choose from a wider variety of guys as far as dating options go.

So far, I've already gone out with one guy I met on Plenty of Fish and have another date set up with a different guy, and I only rejoined last Tuesday.  The guy I just met yesterday was actually super creepy and I am just happy to say I survived the experience.  I certainly hope the next guy is better!

For now I am pretty happy with my decision to return to Plenty of Fish.  I created an entirely new profile with a new screen name, so I have managed to avoid talking to some of the same creepy dudes for the past.  However, a couple have already found me again and they are blocked again.  Sigh.  Some things never change!

Happy New Year!

Now that the holiday season is finally over, it is time to start focusing on making online dating work again.  Yes, the dreaded day has arrived.  Although I have been using Match.com for over a month, I've only went out with 2 guys.  Let's see how the site works now that the holiday season has ended.  I have a theory that everyone was too busy for the past month, but we'll see how it measures up now.  It might be time to give Plenty of Fish a try again!

For now, let us focus on the new year and let's be happy that 2012 is over.  Happy New Year!  Best of luck for finding better dates in 2013!

Fun with Match.com

Since I quit OKCupid and Plenty of Fish, I decided to try an experiment by using Match.com.  Even though the website claims to be free to look, trust me, that is all you can do.  So what happens is people wink at you or email you, and Match won't even let you read their emails.  So basically, I had about a dozen emails piling up in my inbox.

I was rather torn about whether I should pay.  They were basically going to give me a deal so I could get 3 months for $42, which is not that unreasonable.  At the same time, I noticed many of the guys I saw on Match were the same guys that were on Plenty of Fish.  Since Plenty of Fish is free, why bother paying Match? 

In the end, I did actually decide to shell out the bucks to see who had been writing me.  After all, Match does have standards and must approve every photo and every profile.  The scary people that are lurking around on POF simply don't exist on Match.  So I paid.  I would now like to break down for you what I feel are the positives and the negatives of Match compared to the free sites:

POSITIVE ASPECTS:

• Better quality profiles
• A lot less creepy shirtless pics
• A lot less creepy dark mugshot-looking pics
• Most of the guys are interested in a relationship, not just a hookup.
• You can post plenty of photos.
• There is a lot of space to show your interests on your profile.
• Not as many random, terrible, or perverse messages from guys.

NEGATIVE ASPECTS:

• A lot of guys are not willing to pay to use the service, therefore you can never actually talk to them.
• The email system leaves a lot to be desired.  It is harder to use than other sites.
• There are less guys to pick from.
• There really aren't personality tests to help match you with someone.

As far as online dating sites go, Match is pretty decent, but it is not the best I have used.  Considering you have to pay to even communicate with anyone at all, it is probably not as nice as Plenty of Fish or OKCupid.  However, I do receive a lot less attention from creepy men.  If you are easily offended by random perverse messages or want to feel safer, it might just be worth the money!

Real People Deserve to Be Treated Real

I keep seeing this time and time again, and I need to bring it up.  Many different people meet on dating sites all the time.  I understand it is easy to feel you are not a real part of the lives of anyone you meet online.  After all, you don't even know if people are being real on these sites.  It is pretty normal to ignore the emails or messages of others if you are not interested.  People come and people go.

However, what I can't understand is why people treat those they've met in person the same way.  There have been several men I've dated a number of times, spent plenty of quality time with, talked on the phone, etc.  When they get bored or annoyed with me, instead of telling me like a mature adult they've lost interest, they instead just stop talking to me.  OK, that is not normal!

If you've been in someone's life for weeks or months, and been on several or more actual dates, you owe that person a phone call or at least an email stating you are no longer interested.  That is what adults do.  Just because you met online does not mean the relationship isn't "real" in some way.  Maybe you were not too serious with that person, but if you've stayed overnight, especially if it happened a number of times, be an adult.  You can explain that you've moved on, want to see other people, give the "it's not you, it's me" speech, etc.  That is what grown ups do!

I am tired of people having no etiquette whatsoever anymore.  If you have been dating someone, no matter how you met, you owe it to that person to break up with them.  Even if it is only an email... that is a lot better than never calling or talking to that person again.  I know it is hard to do, but that is real life... sometimes we have to do icky things.  It is called being an adult.  If you can't handle it, then don't date.  There are a lot of people out there that need some manners!