I keep seeing this time and time again, and I need to bring it up. Many different people meet on dating sites all the time. I understand it is easy to feel you are not a real part of the lives of anyone you meet online. After all, you don't even know if people are being real on these sites. It is pretty normal to ignore the emails or messages of others if you are not interested. People come and people go.
However, what I can't understand is why people treat those they've met in person the same way. There have been several men I've dated a number of times, spent plenty of quality time with, talked on the phone, etc. When they get bored or annoyed with me, instead of telling me like a mature adult they've lost interest, they instead just stop talking to me. OK, that is not normal!
If you've been in someone's life for weeks or months, and been on several or more actual dates, you owe that person a phone call or at least an email stating you are no longer interested. That is what adults do. Just because you met online does not mean the relationship isn't "real" in some way. Maybe you were not too serious with that person, but if you've stayed overnight, especially if it happened a number of times, be an adult. You can explain that you've moved on, want to see other people, give the "it's not you, it's me" speech, etc. That is what grown ups do!
I am tired of people having no etiquette whatsoever anymore. If you have been dating someone, no matter how you met, you owe it to that person to break up with them. Even if it is only an email... that is a lot better than never calling or talking to that person again. I know it is hard to do, but that is real life... sometimes we have to do icky things. It is called being an adult. If you can't handle it, then don't date. There are a lot of people out there that need some manners!
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Maybe You Are Just Not Ready to Date
So this seems to be a reoccuring problem on dating sites.... people who are not ready to date, but yet they are on dating sites. Now mind you, perhaps there are plenty of people that do not realize they are not ready to date yet. Maybe they are on dating sites with the best of intentions believing they are OK to date, but they just are not.
Some examples of people who are not ready to date:
Now I realize the last two examples might anger some people. They might think just because they are unemployed or live with their parents, they are not undateable. Sorry. You need to rethink that situation.
If you are looking for a job, you need to seriously focus on that. I know dating sites take up a lot of time. You know what you could be doing instead? Applying for jobs! I realize you might have some free time now that you are unemployed to look for love, but you really need to focus on other priorities. Instead of paying for dinners, you should be saving your money in case you don't find a job for a while.
If you live with your parents, you need to consider moving out. If you are living with your parents only because you are out of work, trust me, you have my sympathy. You are not a bad person at all. I am sure you are a wonderful person. However, you need to seriously focus on other issues in your life.
I am in no way saying any of those examples above make you undateable forever. You need to work on your issues so you have a lot to offer another person. No one wants to step into your life that is full of problems and drama. If you do find someone like that, chances are, it is because that person thrives on drama. Is that really who you want to date? Probably not. So just hold off, get your life together, and then look for someone on a dating site. Trust me, you will find better people to date.
Some examples of people who are not ready to date:
- People who are about to go into rehab.
- People who need to go to rehab.
- People that are about to go to jail.
- People who just got out of jail.
- People who just went through a bad breakup.
- People who are still obsessed with an ex.
- People who hate everyone because of an ex.
- People that are currently unemployed and looking for work.
- People living with their parents because they have nowhere else to go.
Now I realize the last two examples might anger some people. They might think just because they are unemployed or live with their parents, they are not undateable. Sorry. You need to rethink that situation.
If you are looking for a job, you need to seriously focus on that. I know dating sites take up a lot of time. You know what you could be doing instead? Applying for jobs! I realize you might have some free time now that you are unemployed to look for love, but you really need to focus on other priorities. Instead of paying for dinners, you should be saving your money in case you don't find a job for a while.
If you live with your parents, you need to consider moving out. If you are living with your parents only because you are out of work, trust me, you have my sympathy. You are not a bad person at all. I am sure you are a wonderful person. However, you need to seriously focus on other issues in your life.
I am in no way saying any of those examples above make you undateable forever. You need to work on your issues so you have a lot to offer another person. No one wants to step into your life that is full of problems and drama. If you do find someone like that, chances are, it is because that person thrives on drama. Is that really who you want to date? Probably not. So just hold off, get your life together, and then look for someone on a dating site. Trust me, you will find better people to date.
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