How Much Is Too Much For a Date?

Recently, this topic has come up quite a bit in a number of discussions.  I've talked to friends, as well as a guy I am dating, about the "right price" to spend on a date.  It seems like everyone has their own opinion and there isn't one right answer.

I would like to consider myself a very modern woman and a feminist.  However, I still think some things are traditional for dates.  If a man asks me out, I typically expect him to pay for the date.  If I were to ask a guy out, I would not necessarily expect him to pay, although sometimes men still insist.  After a couple of dates, I am OK shelling out money for dates here and there.  It is fine to go dutch or I am even happy to pay for the whole date depending on the situation.  For the first date, I still think the guy should pay.

With that said, this has become rather a hot topic.  If a man asks you out and you go on the date, how much is too much to spend?  I am purposely really understanding with the matter.  Most guys insist on paying, and if we are going out for coffee, I wait to see if I get a vibe on what I should get.  I went out with a guy once that threw a fit because he wasn't allowed to use a coupon and then he only ordered black coffee for himself.  In that situation, I just went with tea since it seemed like a $1.50 all he was willing to spend.  I also purposely order a relatively cheap meal if a guy takes me out to dinner.  Soup and salad is usually around $10 depending on where you go, and that seems about right. 

Of course, this is just what I do considering this is a terrible economy and it is only a first or second date.  I've had guys insist I order a particular item, such as a crab cake, if I've indicated an interest that particular meal in an earlier conversation.  In that case, if he insists, I will go for it.  However, there are women out there ordering items like crab cakes or steak without a care in the world.  I understand that is supposed to be socially acceptable, but I think it is weird.  I've also heard stories from women that feel like a man should really step it up and take them out to a nice restaurant for a first date.  Really?  I am just happy if my date doesn't want to go to Taco Bell.

So I am basically wondering what is the norm now.  Am I the only one ordering cheap food or going on first dates to get coffee?  Hmmm.  I wonder what is the standard.  I suppose there isn't any.  No wonder some guys are scared to ask a woman out.  He might be spending half his paycheck on a date and who can afford that now?  Bummer.  Maybe I should add "I am happy if you spend less than $10 on the first date," to my profile.  That might just help things.

Still want to read more online dating stuff?  Check out:

How to Fail at Online Dating.... for Men

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The Absence of the Mutual Friend Hinders Online Dating

I've been thinking a lot about this lately... the absence of the mutual friend and how that hinders online dating to some degree.  Let me explain what I mean.

Back in the day, when I used to meet significant others at school, college, work, or mutual friends, it was easier in some ways.  First of all, there was usually a period of time of being "just friends" without any real expectations.  You could really get to know that person.  Second, there were friends to vouch for that person.  Friends could let you know embarrassing stories and any dirt on that person.  You could trust the person you were dating more because of all the mutual friends the two of you had together.

Most of all, I feel the absence of the mutual friends hinders relationships in a very major way... there is no one around giving advice to either of the two people in the relationship.  Don't get me wrong, I know grown adults should be able to get together and communicate effectly without anyone else's assistance.  Now... back to reality... mutual friends really help in a new relationship.

For example, when two people first start dating, it is sometimes hard to determine how either party feels.  When a mutual friend steps in, one person can express how he or she feels and then that message is relayed to the other party through the mutual friend.  Immature?  Sure, of course.  However, it really helps having the mutual friend "grease the wheels" a little.

Another example is how sometimes people just can't take a hint.  And by "people," I really mean men.  Sometimes I throw out plenty of hints about a nice restaurant I'd like to go to or that flowers would be a nice gift.  Does this get me anywhere?  Of course not.  With a mutual friend, I could tell her and then she would tell the guy, "You idiot!  Just give her some flowers and everything will be fine!"  Sometimes people just need an extra push.  That is why the mutual friend is so helpful.

Of course, one could argue I've gotten better at being blunt and just flat out telling guys what I need.  I've learned in online dating that hints won't get you anywhere.  I suppose on some level it helps communication, but I can't help but wonder how many potential relationships never went anywhere because the couple never had mutual friends.  Some people simply never learn to stop dropping hints and get brutally honest.  It can also be very awkward. Sadly, there are probably many couples that will never be in a serious relationship due to a lack of communication and the absence of the mutual friend. It is sad but true!

For more online dating fun, check out:

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