The Truth About Match

I have given up on using Match.com.  I am currently dating someone and do not wish to meet anyone else at this time, but also, I am pretty feed up with Match.  After paying for their service, I never found it to be better than the free sites.  Actually, I believe OKCupid and Plenty of Fish are just as good, if not better than Match.

After my subscription ended, I realized Match still kept my account active.  Even though I no longer wanted to be on the site and had cancelled my subscription, it still looked as if I was using the site and as if I was looking for dates.  This explains why there are so many "dead profiles" on Match.  No wonder so many emails go unnoticed on Match.  Even after you cancel, users can still find your profile and assume you are active.

What you have to do to really take down your account on Match is go back into the site after your subscription is over and cancel your account.  My information is still saved, but I am no longer searchable.  I am now skeptical about many of the tactics used on the site.  I would recommend to anyone starting to use online dating sites to try all the free sites first.  Sure, they probably use some shady tactics as well, but at least they are free to use, and when you deactivate your account, it is truly deactivated.

The Absence of the Mutual Friend Hinders Online Dating

I've been thinking a lot about this lately... the absence of the mutual friend and how that hinders online dating to some degree.  Let me explain what I mean.

Back in the day, when I used to meet significant others at school, college, work, or mutual friends, it was easier in some ways.  First of all, there was usually a period of time of being "just friends" without any real expectations.  You could really get to know that person.  Second, there were friends to vouch for that person.  Friends could let you know embarrassing stories and any dirt on that person.  You could trust the person you were dating more because of all the mutual friends the two of you had together.

Most of all, I feel the absence of the mutual friends hinders relationships in a very major way... there is no one around giving advice to either of the two people in the relationship.  Don't get me wrong, I know grown adults should be able to get together and communicate effectly without anyone else's assistance.  Now... back to reality... mutual friends really help in a new relationship.

For example, when two people first start dating, it is sometimes hard to determine how either party feels.  When a mutual friend steps in, one person can express how he or she feels and then that message is relayed to the other party through the mutual friend.  Immature?  Sure, of course.  However, it really helps having the mutual friend "grease the wheels" a little.

Another example is how sometimes people just can't take a hint.  And by "people," I really mean men.  Sometimes I throw out plenty of hints about a nice restaurant I'd like to go to or that flowers would be a nice gift.  Does this get me anywhere?  Of course not.  With a mutual friend, I could tell her and then she would tell the guy, "You idiot!  Just give her some flowers and everything will be fine!"  Sometimes people just need an extra push.  That is why the mutual friend is so helpful.

Of course, one could argue I've gotten better at being blunt and just flat out telling guys what I need.  I've learned in online dating that hints won't get you anywhere.  I suppose on some level it helps communication, but I can't help but wonder how many potential relationships never went anywhere because the couple never had mutual friends.  Some people simply never learn to stop dropping hints and get brutally honest.  It can also be very awkward. Sadly, there are probably many couples that will never be in a serious relationship due to a lack of communication and the absence of the mutual friend. It is sad but true!

For more online dating fun, check out:

Polite Ways to End an Awkward Date

Online Dating: You Can't Argue Your Way Out of Rejection

Online Dating: Your Profile Pic is Creeping Me Out!

I Don't Want to Read a Script

OK, my online dating buddies out there, let me give you some advice... please don't send someone an email with a standard paragraph about yourself that you have not bothered to customize for the person you are approaching.  Let me explain exactly what I mean by this.

I've had some guys that copy and paste what is obviously their standard email when they message me.  How do I know this?  Because I don't respond to what looks like a standard script sent to every woman online, yet, I don't delete them either.  Literally, some guys approach me once a week with the EXACT same paragraph.  Nothing has changed to let me know the guy actually read my profile at all.  It is actually funny... and sad at the same time.

My advice to you copy and pasters out there would be to STOP copying and pasting, or at least change some details each time.  We actually notice this type of thing.  I am not going respond to anyone that seems desperate and is just copying and pasting text for every female he sees online.  Please at least indicate one small detail like, "Hey, I like your glasses in your 3rd pic," or "I like Kings of Leon, too."  That way, I at least know you took the time to read my profile.

I am bewildered by the fact that this seems like hard work or an impossible mission for some of you online daters.  It takes minutes to type a few sentences.  I just started writing this post about 5 minutes ago, and just look at what I have achieved!  Taking a few extra moments to personalize your message will go a long way.  If you don't have the time to send a personalized message, my guess would be you don't have time to date either.  Give that one a little thought before you send me some boring, standard email 4weeks in a row, dudes!  Thanks!