Happy New Year!

Now that the holiday season is finally over, it is time to start focusing on making online dating work again.  Yes, the dreaded day has arrived.  Although I have been using Match.com for over a month, I've only went out with 2 guys.  Let's see how the site works now that the holiday season has ended.  I have a theory that everyone was too busy for the past month, but we'll see how it measures up now.  It might be time to give Plenty of Fish a try again!

For now, let us focus on the new year and let's be happy that 2012 is over.  Happy New Year!  Best of luck for finding better dates in 2013!

Fun with Match.com

Since I quit OKCupid and Plenty of Fish, I decided to try an experiment by using Match.com.  Even though the website claims to be free to look, trust me, that is all you can do.  So what happens is people wink at you or email you, and Match won't even let you read their emails.  So basically, I had about a dozen emails piling up in my inbox.

I was rather torn about whether I should pay.  They were basically going to give me a deal so I could get 3 months for $42, which is not that unreasonable.  At the same time, I noticed many of the guys I saw on Match were the same guys that were on Plenty of Fish.  Since Plenty of Fish is free, why bother paying Match? 

In the end, I did actually decide to shell out the bucks to see who had been writing me.  After all, Match does have standards and must approve every photo and every profile.  The scary people that are lurking around on POF simply don't exist on Match.  So I paid.  I would now like to break down for you what I feel are the positives and the negatives of Match compared to the free sites:

POSITIVE ASPECTS:

• Better quality profiles
• A lot less creepy shirtless pics
• A lot less creepy dark mugshot-looking pics
• Most of the guys are interested in a relationship, not just a hookup.
• You can post plenty of photos.
• There is a lot of space to show your interests on your profile.
• Not as many random, terrible, or perverse messages from guys.

NEGATIVE ASPECTS:

• A lot of guys are not willing to pay to use the service, therefore you can never actually talk to them.
• The email system leaves a lot to be desired.  It is harder to use than other sites.
• There are less guys to pick from.
• There really aren't personality tests to help match you with someone.

As far as online dating sites go, Match is pretty decent, but it is not the best I have used.  Considering you have to pay to even communicate with anyone at all, it is probably not as nice as Plenty of Fish or OKCupid.  However, I do receive a lot less attention from creepy men.  If you are easily offended by random perverse messages or want to feel safer, it might just be worth the money!

Real People Deserve to Be Treated Real

I keep seeing this time and time again, and I need to bring it up.  Many different people meet on dating sites all the time.  I understand it is easy to feel you are not a real part of the lives of anyone you meet online.  After all, you don't even know if people are being real on these sites.  It is pretty normal to ignore the emails or messages of others if you are not interested.  People come and people go.

However, what I can't understand is why people treat those they've met in person the same way.  There have been several men I've dated a number of times, spent plenty of quality time with, talked on the phone, etc.  When they get bored or annoyed with me, instead of telling me like a mature adult they've lost interest, they instead just stop talking to me.  OK, that is not normal!

If you've been in someone's life for weeks or months, and been on several or more actual dates, you owe that person a phone call or at least an email stating you are no longer interested.  That is what adults do.  Just because you met online does not mean the relationship isn't "real" in some way.  Maybe you were not too serious with that person, but if you've stayed overnight, especially if it happened a number of times, be an adult.  You can explain that you've moved on, want to see other people, give the "it's not you, it's me" speech, etc.  That is what grown ups do!

I am tired of people having no etiquette whatsoever anymore.  If you have been dating someone, no matter how you met, you owe it to that person to break up with them.  Even if it is only an email... that is a lot better than never calling or talking to that person again.  I know it is hard to do, but that is real life... sometimes we have to do icky things.  It is called being an adult.  If you can't handle it, then don't date.  There are a lot of people out there that need some manners!

Maybe You Are Just Not Ready to Date

So this seems to be a reoccuring problem on dating sites.... people who are not ready to date, but yet they are on dating sites.  Now mind you, perhaps there are plenty of people that do not realize they are not ready to date yet.  Maybe they are on dating sites with the best of intentions believing they are OK to date, but they just are not.

Some examples of people who are not ready to date:

• People who are about to go into rehab.
• People who need to go to rehab.
• People that are about to go to jail.
• People who just got out of jail.
• People who just went through a bad breakup.
• People who are still obsessed with an ex.
• People who hate everyone because of an ex.
• People that are currently unemployed and looking for work.
• People living with their parents because they have nowhere else to go.

Now I realize the last two examples might anger some people.  They might think just because they are unemployed or live with their parents, they are not undateable.  Sorry.  You need to rethink that situation. 

If you are looking for a job, you need to seriously focus on that.  I know dating sites take up a lot of time.  You know what you could be doing instead?  Applying for jobs!  I realize you might have some free time now that you are unemployed to look for love, but you really need to focus on other priorities.  Instead of paying for dinners, you should be saving your money in case you don't find a job for a while.

If you live with your parents, you need to consider moving out.  If you are living with your parents only because you are out of work, trust me, you have my sympathy.  You are not a bad person at all.  I am sure you are a wonderful person.  However, you need to seriously focus on other issues in your life.

I am in no way saying any of those examples above make you undateable forever.  You need to work on your issues so you have a lot to offer another person.  No one wants to step into your life that is full of problems and drama.  If you do find someone like that, chances are, it is because that person thrives on drama.  Is that really who you want to date?  Probably not.  So just hold off, get your life together, and then look for someone on a dating site.  Trust me, you will find better people to date.

Reading All About "Getting Naked"

I was a big fan of the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" when that was the biggest thing going.  I truly feel like that book changed my life.  I stopped making excuses for people that did not want to be with me.  I accepted it and moved on.  Not only did it help me with men, it helped me with my relationships with others.

Now I keep hearing about a different book called, "Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life."  The book is by Harlan Cohen and I decided I should read it.  I bought it last week and have been reading it for a few days now.

Although I do not find this book as interesting as "He's Just Not That Into You," I feel like this book would be very valuable for certain people.  Some people feel like they just have to be in a relationship at all times.  Other people have really low self-esteem when it comes to dating.  I believe this book would be excellent for those folks.

For me, I am always pretty honest with guys when dating them.  I also firmly believe there are plenty of men out there that would want to date me.  Since these are the things the book teaches you, I don't know that I am getting a lot out of it, but it is still a decent book.  I do feel like the author repeats himself a lot, but I do know that is one way to get your message to sink in.  For some people that have a hard time accepting the points this book is trying to make, it could be a good way of forcing them to face the truth.

If you are not always that honest with those you are dating, perhaps you should read this book.  If you are stuck in a relationship and you are unhappy, you should read this book.  If you haven't had a date since 1983, you should read this book.  It will certainly help a lot of daters out there, so I do recommend, "Getting Naked" for those that need some dating advice.

Lots of Weirdness

I totally thought after quitting online dating, some things would go back to normal.  Sure, I was still communicating with guys from dating sites, but I had assumed I had weeded out the weirdest guys.  I am not so sure now though.  I am starting to question whether I should date anyone at all.

I am quite confused about how men date now.  My friends and I have had these conversations.  Men will say they want nothing serious, yet act differently while dating you.  Guys, if you are sincere about "casual dating," then don't ask really personal "getting to know you" kind of questions.  If you are keeping it simple, really keep it simple.  Don't ask about my parents and meeting them, or ask my friend about her son and personal questions.  If you don't want something serious, don't send signs you are getting serious.  It confuses women!

Not to mention, I have had some strange encounters lately.  Everything from creepy guys hitting on me while I am out, random dudes yelling at me while I walk down the street, and some odd dates.  I thought the creepiness would end once I quit the sites.  It turns out, men are always going to be creepy.  I guess I am learning that the hard way. 

Reasons Why I Quit

I am officially not using any dating sites at the present time.  I had shut down OKCupid recently, but I completely snapped this morning and pulled the plug on Plenty of Fish, too.  I just could not take the ridiculousness of the site anymore.

I came to the realization last night that I was going to all new lows as far as online dating goes.  I realized all of sudden that I was communicating with men I would have never given the time of day just a few months ago.  It is always good to explore and expand your horizons, but there is a such thing as hitting rock bottom.  Last night, I determined I was there.

Some of the guys I've been considering dating lately are men I know are completely wrong for me.  I have even been out with some of these guys.  I am talking about men living with their parents and not necessarily even working.  One guy was even living with his mother and out on parole.  Really?  Is there where my dating life is now? 

I realize I had a major setback recently and allowed myself to actually care about someone.  In return, he basically stopped talking to me and has no interest in me any longer.  That is what I get for caring.  I think I was hurt and tried to fill the emptiness with creepy guys that I knew were not my type.  But all of that is over.

As of this morning, no more dating websites for a while.  It will be nice to focus on my blogs and articles again anyway.  Don't worry though... I will still update this blog from time to time since I still have a surplus of wacky stories to share.  Also, some of my friends are still using dating sites, so I am sure I will have their stories to share as well.  The dating wackiness never ends!